Alienware’s Virginity Shield

A friend of mine bought that flight chair from way back when that lets you sit in a deep bucket seat and control an on-screen plane or tank from the comfort of a womb-like simulator that will ensure you never get laid. Well, Alienware’s oddly cool but wildly impractical curved monitor is more of this same concept — something hardcore nerds will love but will probably be prohibitively expensive and kind of silly once you sit down and do the math.

This is a DLP monitor that’s about three feet long and consists of three separate “screens” stiched together seamlessly. No availability or release date, but listen, kid. You have a long life ahead of you. There are girls to meet, beaches to hang out on, things to learn. Don’t be the guy with the big weird three-foot surround monitor. Just don’t do it.