So that was day one of TechCrunch50. The best tech conference in the universe, that pays my wages.
And what did I learn today? Today I learned that the Rocky soundtrack makes any technical hitch a million times more dramatic. I learned that Yossi Vardi believes that any disaster can be solved with a show of hands or a forced round of applause. I learned that, where other entrepreneurs quote Sun Tzu, Calacanis prefers the wise words of Disney’s Ratatouille. I learned that when Arrington and Calacanis squabble, they sound like a gayer version of Statler and Waldorf.
But most importantly of all, I learned that there’s no way any of us are going to make it through a second long day without downing some serious booze. And so, with that in mind, I’m delighted to announce the rules of the TechCrunch Day Two Drinking Game.
The rules are simple – we start tomorrow at 9am (Pacific). Get up early, grab yourself a case of beer and then either sit in the room or, if you had better things to do with three grand, tune into the live stream and follow these simple instructions…
Take a sip when…
– Someone uses the word “freemium” or describes something as a “chicken-egg problem”.
– Someone makes a borderline misogynistic remark to the only female judge: (e.g. “That fashion company really made Marissa perk up”)
– Someone claims that their aim is to change the world.
– Someone claims that their aim isn’t to change the world.
– Someone says “that’s a great question” in response to a judge, when they clearly want to say “go fuck yourself”.
Take a swig when…
– Someone actually tells a judge to go fuck themself.
– The wifi works so well that it breaks someone’s pitch.
– Yossi Vardi forces everyone to give an awkward round of applause for absolutely no reason.
– Someone makes a joke about Michael Arrington in their pitch. (And take a second swig when that joke inevitably falls flat)
– It becomes clear to everyone that the success of a particular company would result in the world becoming a terrible, terrible place.
Drain your whole drink when…
– Two founders walk on to the stage wearing identical shirts.
– Someone sings during their pitch, or a lady starts to dance.
– Jason Calacanis alludes to his personal wealth, mentions Tesla or quotes a Disney movie when giving advice to a startup.
– Someone tries to bribe the entire room with cupcakes.
Drain your drink and chug an entire fresh one when…
– Someone tries to bribe the entire room with a car.
Good luck everyone. Now, make sure you follow me on Twitter for minute-by-minute commentary of day two, and – hey – let’s try to be wasted by noon!