What not to expect from Apple’s hardware event

Tomorrow’s the big day. You’ve no doubt heard all the rumors by now, but for those who need a little help getting up to speed, check out the rumor roundup we ran last week. As ever, though, it’s important to lower expectations as much as possible, so as to not wallow in one’s own inevitable crushing disappointment. It’s a philosophy that’s gotten me this far in life.

In the spirit of lowered expectations, here’s a definitely-not-complete list of things that most likely won’t be unveiled at Apple’s special event:

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