All the ways you are probably going to lose an AirPod

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Apple has some wireless earbuds! They’re $159, and they aren’t connected by a cable to anything. They go right into your ear when they aren’t in a case that’s charging them. The battery lasts for 5 hours or so, and the case can charge them for 24 hours.

Really cool, right? It’s like, straight out of the movie Her. But in Her, the characters are only wearing one wireless earbud.

Here’s my theory: they lost the other one.

And that’s probably what’s going to happen to your AirPod — you’ll lose one, but not both, and then have to pay Apple for the replacement (which will be like $79 or something, I dunno?).

Here are some of the ways you are probably going to lose one of your AirPods:

• Dropping them on the ground and losing them…

• …or crushing them accidentally while walking after dropping them.

• Sitting on them accidentally and crushing one, but not both.

• Head-banging too hard to speed metal.

• Falling out while running, maybe (are they actually secure?).

• Dropped into a street grate while trying to put one on.

• Magician doing a quarter-behind-the-ear trick, but taking your AirPod and vanishing in smoke.

• Thrown in frustration after failing to beat Matthew Panzarino at Super Mario Run.

• Glasshole aggression, but for an AirPod (again, just one).

• Stuck between couch cushions.

• Destroyed by a washing machine / dryer.

• Rolling under a fridge.

• Falling onto a burner while cooking.

• Forgetting one is in your ear and jumping into the pool.

• Dropped into a garbage disposal.

• Eaten by a dog.

• Case eaten by a dog, but only containing one AirPod.

• While carrying a toddler, they take it out of your ear and throw it.

• Case thrown away accidentally as trash, but only containing one AirPod.

• Thinking the battery is broken and the case is dead only to find out you forgot to charge the case, and throwing it away.

• Speaker destroyed by conference call static.

• Setting one next to an exploding Note 7.

• Breaking one trying a Pinterest DIY hack.

• Lost, buried or crushed at the bottom of a bag.

• Killed by EMP during the inevitable headphone jack revolution.

• Not having enough Courage.

Happy AirPod-ing!