Finally Confirmed: What the iPhone Won't Do For You
![](data:image/svg+xml;charset=utf-8,<svg height="438" width="636" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" version="1.1"/>)
- Make your bed.
- Increase penile length and girth.
- Remind you of your first kiss.
- Get you laid after June 31st.
- Accept an offer to spend a weekend with you on the Jersey Shore after just meeting you at Hogs and Heifers.
- Visit you in prison.
- Expand your horizons through a complex, ancient ritual involving the iPhone, peyote, a bottle of rubbing alcohol, and a picture of your dead Grammie.
- Replace your God.
Finally Confirmed: What the iPhone Doesn’t Have [Gizmodo]
![](data:image/svg+xml;charset=utf-8,<svg height="125" width="187" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" version="1.1"/>)
![](data:image/svg+xml;charset=utf-8,<svg height="150" width="187" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" version="1.1"/>)
![](data:image/svg+xml;charset=utf-8,<svg height="105" width="187" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" version="1.1"/>)
![](data:image/svg+xml;charset=utf-8,<svg height="114" width="187" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" version="1.1"/>)
![](data:image/svg+xml;charset=utf-8,<svg height="116" width="187" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" version="1.1"/>)
![](data:image/svg+xml;charset=utf-8,<svg height="140" width="187" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" version="1.1"/>)
