The Vibram Trek LS And Bormio: Ugly, Crazy Monkey Shoes Get Even Crazier

I hope you’re not eating anything because you’re about to see some real Jame Gumb stuff in a second. Vibram, famous makers of Sergey’s crazy monkey shoes (that I actually wear while running, much to my wife’s chagrin), have released two new models, the acceptably styled Trek LS, a lace up trail shoe/sneaker, and the absolutely abhorrent (yet strangely alluring) Bormio boots.

BirthdayShoes has reviews of both the Bormio and the LS but we’ll highlight a few points below.

The LS shoes are more like a sneaker with Vibram soles and toe pockets. They’re actually quite classy if you ignore the monkey-feet aspect and, if you’re man enough to wear them on the street you may actually get compliments as opposed to smacked. They cost $139 and come in brown and black.

And here are the Bormios:

If you’re anything like me, you’re imagining Hobbitses in their holes right now. These are basically boots with toepockets, which makes them pretty much amazing. BirthdayShoes notes:

As Vibram FiveFingers go, the Bormio is surprisingly not as eye-catching as it appears at first blush — this assumes you’re wearing them with jeans or pants. Obviously, the ankle-height design makes them look very unusual when they’re sitting “empty” on the floor (like leathery or frostbitten feet chopped off at the ankles), but as Mrs. BirthdayShoes put it, when they’re on, the Bormios just look like any other pair of Vibrams.

That is, except for one thing, which is that the understated design of the Bormio FiveFingers also makes it harder for folks to discern that you’re wearing shoes. Clearly no one has flat black feet (save Mr. Deeds), but smooth, matte leather looks a little like skin, particularly as with the brown Bormios. You could have feet that were dark brown, and I say that because I had at least one person double-take on my brown crazy horse Bormios thinking I had tanned bare feet. I’m not very tan in case you hadn’t noticed (Desk job FTL!). I had another fellow — a VFF fan at that — remark, “You’ve got lion feet.” I liked that better.

If you’ve been going through life thinking “I’d like lion feet,” you’re clearly in luck here.

These demonic things cost $160 and are available in brown and black. Both are made of kangaroo hide and, personally, I wonder where they’re getting all the kangaroos for these things.

So there you have it: these are the shoes Tim Ferriss, Sergey Brin, and every sycophantic SXSW-bound SEO/Social Media/Google+ Guru will be wearing next season. Geeks, prepare to get your monkey feet chic on.