Groupon Responds To IPO Backlash With A Cheeky Feline
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You may have also noticed that Groupon hasn’t done a whole lot to denounce any of these claims (they still haven’t gotten back to me on whether the service causes numbness in the toes). And for good reason: the company is currently in a ‘Quiet Period’ mandated by the SEC, during which there are restrictions on what it can say in public statements. But that doesn’t mean they can’t fight back, just a little.
Today in a post on its official blog, Groupon’s spokescat (appropriately named Groupon the Cat) has penned a witty rebuttal outlining the “hazing ritiuals” companies must go through en route to their IPOs. Some of the main points:
- Wait until the company is sleeping to smear scream-activated bees on its face. Lesson Learned: Don’t believe your company’s own “buzz.”
- Photoshop the company’s logo to appear to be shaking hands with James Buchanan, America’s worst president. Lesson Learned: Everything you see or read about a company is true, if it’s on a computer.
- Use the company’s cell phone to text a vote for the new M&M’s color to be a sickly ashen gray. Lesson Learned: Customers aren’t capable of making their own decisions.
- Kick sand in the company’s face. Lesson Learned: If the company survives, it’s time to move on to sand’s close relative, powdered glass.
- Write disparaging articles about the company. Lesson Learned: That’s what they get for trying to be a company.
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