The Internet is one giant resume, Stephen Colbert posits in yesterday’s The Word: Control-Self-Delete. Colbert brings up Eric Schmidt’s now infamous “every person will be entitled automatically to change their name” statement and argues that an identity change is not enough to guarantee privacy, because of Google’s new photo recognition tool and Google’s tracking of search and Gmail keeping track of your emails and so on and so forth.

Aside from getting surgery and avoiding every single person you used to know, Colbert does bring up another solution: