Colbert Tackles Internet Privacy: "Become A Disfigured Nameless Loner"

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The Internet is one giant resume, Stephen Colbert posits in yesterday’s The Word: Control-Self-Delete. Colbert brings up Eric Schmidt’s now infamous “every person will be entitled automatically to change their name” statement and argues that an identity change is not enough to guarantee privacy, because of Google’s new photo recognition tool and Google’s tracking of search and Gmail keeping track of your emails and so on and so forth.

Aside from getting surgery and avoiding every single person you used to know, Colbert does bring up another solution:

“Google and Facebook could stop invasively data mining and selling our private lives to the highest bidder. But that would be asking them to change who they are, and that’s not fair.”

Other highlights:

“Social media is the only way to reach young people without giving your abs a nickname.”

“Career expert” Nicole Williams’ emphasis on how no employers want to see the pictures of you pole-dancing. Pole-dancing!

“It’s on the Twitter, so Internet do your thing.”

The Blippy shout out.

“Other people can post pictures of you online: ESPECIALLY IF YOU’RE A SLEEPY KITTEN.”