Colbert Tackles Internet Privacy: "Become A Disfigured Nameless Loner"

Alexia Tsotsis

Alexia Tsotsis is the co-editor of TechCrunch. She attended the University of Southern California in Los Angeles, CA, majoring in Writing and Art, and moved to New York City shortly after graduation to work in the media industry. After four years of living in New York and attending courses at New York University, she returned to Los Angeles in... → Learn More

Wednesday, August 25th, 2010

The Internet is one giant resume, Stephen Colbert posits in yesterday’s The Word: Control-Self-Delete. Colbert brings up Eric Schmidt’s now infamous “every person will be entitled automatically to change their name” statement and argues that an identity change is not enough to guarantee privacy, because of Google’s new photo recognition tool and Google’s tracking of search and Gmail keeping track of your emails and so on and so forth.

Aside from getting surgery and avoiding every single person you used to know, Colbert does bring up another solution:

“Google and Facebook could stop invasively data mining and selling our private lives to the highest bidder. But that would be asking them to change who they are, and that’s not fair.”

Other highlights:

“Social media is the only way to reach young people without giving your abs a nickname.”

“Career expert” Nicole Williams’ emphasis on how no employers want to see the pictures of you pole-dancing. Pole-dancing!

“It’s on the Twitter, so Internet do your thing.”

The Blippy shout out.

“Other people can post pictures of you online: ESPECIALLY IF YOU’RE A SLEEPY KITTEN.”

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Website: google.com
Launch Date: September 7, 1998
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Google provides search and advertising services, which together aim to organize and monetize the world’s information. In addition to its dominant search engine, it offers a plethora of online tools and platforms including: Gmail, Maps, YouTube, and Google+, the company’s extension into the social space. Most of its Web-based products are free, funded by Google’s highly integrated online advertising platforms AdWords and AdSense. Google promotes the idea that advertising should be highly targeted and relevant to users thus providing...

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Website: facebook.com
Launch Date: February 1, 2004
IPO: NASDAQ:FB

Facebook is the world’s largest social network, with over 1 billion monthly active users. Facebook was founded by Mark Zuckerberg in February 2004, initially as an exclusive network for Harvard students. It was a huge hit: in 2 weeks, half of the schools in the Boston area began demanding a Facebook network. Zuckerberg immediately recruited his friends Dustin Moskovitz, Chris Hughes, and Eduardo Saverin to help build Facebook, and within four months, Facebook added 30 more college networks. The original...

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