Apple: Can we stop with the "magical" already?

Next Story

ABC animates the oil spill for better understanding

In doing a survey of history, a few things could be called “magical and revolutionary” products. These include, but are not limited to, Pegasus, pasteurized milk, the polio vaccine, Apollo 11, and that blue stuff you put your combs in at the barber. And, as much as I like the iPad, I feel that Apple’s dedication to the “magical” party line is a bit disingenuous.

According to the Free Dictionary, the word magical is defined as:

mag·i·cal (mj-kl)
adj.
1. Of, relating to, or produced by magic.
2. Enchanting; bewitching: a magical performance of the ballet.

By this definition, nothing in the above list except perhaps the actual flight of Apollo 11 (in that it can be set to a lilting classical piece or, barring that, something by Enya) and/or Pegasus would be considered magical. The polio vaccine and Barbicide are useful and, some would argue, absolutely essential but I’m sure, through the use of magic, Dumbledore could easily replace them with a flick of his wand.

Therefore, Apple, I beseech you to stop calling the iPad magical. Like the GOP, Apple has been adding the word to all mention of the product in hopes that by saying it over and over again, it will be so. To wit, today’s announcement had Steve saying:

“Demand continues to exceed supply and we’re working hard to get this magical product into the hands of even more customers.”

While it was OK the first fifty times, now it’s just annoying. If Apple were shipping bugbear teeth or Bags of Holding to consumers, perhaps his statement would be accurate. As it stands, it is a bit hyperbolic. After all, it’s a nice slate tablet, not a scroll containing the runes for Magic Missile.

If Apple is stumped for adjectives I propose the following, available for use free of charge under the Creative Commons license. The iPad can be described as:

  • Flat
  • Pretty
  • Keyboard-less
  • Fun
  • Not Wet-Dog-Smelling
  • Fancy
  • Slatish

    Thank you for your kind attention.

    Creative Commons License
    iPad Descriptions by John Biggs is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 United States License.

    Image of Griffon (Gryphon? Griffin?) from The Black Gryphon (Mage Wars) by Mercedes Lackey

    UPDATED for WORD CHOICE

    blog comments powered by Disqus