Heartbeats by Lady Gaga: Garish headphones for the pop star in you

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Say what you will about Dr. Dre, but the man is a hip-hop legend. Say what you will about Lady Gaga, but she’s terrible. So you can either consider the fact that “Heartbeats by Lady Gaga” was just announced as one of two things: a callous cash grab, attempting to earn (?) more money while Lady Gaga is still popular, or… no, that’s the only reason these things exist.

The press release makes it sounds as if Jupiter himself designed the headphones, and that they will forever be known for their “incredible sonic clarity, pounding bass, and all the power demanded by today’s music.” Okie dokie.

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That may well be true, considering the biggest knock against the original Beats by Dre was the price. The headphones weren’t too shabby, but $350 just wasn’t reasonable.

I kid you not, this is what Lady Gaga has to say about the headphones:

In the deepest hour of the night, I confess to myself three things; I would die if I was forbidden to write, forbidden to love, or forbidden to fashion. Heartbeats embody the trinity of my human-being, with one additional vow: that SOUND matters. Wear Heartbeats, love each other, and celebrate the art and lifestyle of music

“To fashion”? Does Lady Gaga carve little figurines out of soap or something? Or does she mean “to fashion,” like, to wear quote-unquote outrageous clothes all day long just to get heat? Because, frankly, Gorgeous George wants his gimmick back.

There’s only so much you can say about a pair of headphones without having heard them. (Not that they’ll give us a pair now!) There’s a built-in microphone, meaning that you can use ‘em on your phone and be able to talk to your friends and assoociates without missing… without missing a beat. They’re due this October, in several colors, and priced between $99 and $149, which, to be fair, isn’t too out of the norm when we’re talking about mid-tier headphones. But I somehow doubt too many of you guys would be interested in Lady Gaga headphones!

Also announced was the Beats Solo, a sort of entry level cousin to the original Beats by Dre. Those are anywhere from $179 to $219, and they’ll be available in November. No photos of those, though. Eu sinto muito.

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