Every day is a struggle. So I recently got a Barnes & Noble gift card for my stupid birthday, right? I go to the Web site, bn.com, and fill out the form to register an account. BN: “Mother’s middle name, please.” ME: “Sure thing, bn.com, it’s Ramos.” BN: “Oh, we’re sorry, that name isn’t long enough for our dumb security system.” ME: “[Unintelligible yelling] But that’s the name, you piece of garbage! What the hell do you want me to do?! I swear to God I wish we reviewed cars, because I’d plunge it into the Hudson right now!”

An overreaction? Perhaps, readers, perhaps. But that’s the second time my Internetting has been interrupted by piece-of-garbage security systems.

NEVER MIND that Barnes & Noble wants $6 more for the book I want than Amazon does!

I now return you to your little lives.