If there was a fan club solely for people who like items that pay for themselves after one use, I’d be president. Maybe secretary, actually, since I type a lot for my day job. No, president, actually. I have a lot of good ideas and it’s time to enact change around here. This fan club has been going down hill ever since it never started.
Anyway, this is the Beer Belly Cooler. It’s like a fat suit that holds 80 ounces of beer. That’s five pints or just under seven 12-ounce beers. Now let’s do some math.
At Fenway park here in Boston, I believe that domestic beer is $6.75 per pint and premium beer is $7.25 per pint. I like the good stuff, so this $34.95 Beer Belly apparatus would save me $36.25 over the course of one evening, minus the cost of the beer I’d buy at the store beforehand — and that’s assuming I can’t talk my wife into wearing one too and letting me sap off it all night (actually, this same company makes a $29.99 wine-holding sports bra for the ladies).
The major obstacle here is that if you already have a real-life beer belly, you might not be able to double-up with the Beer Belly Cooler without looking a little lumpy.
But I’d gladly get into the best shape of my life if it meant more beer. The standard cooler is $34.95, but there’s also a deluxe kit for $49.95 that includes something called “The Pleasure Extender” (not sure if that has to do with drinking, going number one, or something else altogether), and some sort of cleaning solution.