I’m from Columbus, Ohio. I’ve been away for years and whenever we return to good old CMH we’re amazed at the pace of life. Everyone is in their cars, driving driving, and they move like whales through the deep, honking plaintive cries and gathering krill — AKA Rally’s — on the fin. This French fry cup holder is clearly from that storied flyover land and every time I see something like this I wonder how I survived my 18 years there without falling into a diabetic coma.

Incidentally this item is sold out. That’s right. People bought enough of these things to force the company to replenish the stock. Eli Eli Lama sabachthani