Hey kids! You’re old enough to want but not old enough to procure. What should you do? Ask your parents for some of these ultra-fine items. What if they say no, you ask? Keep whining!

Cellphones

Let’s start out with cellphones. Sure mom and dad can get you some old phone from Verizoningularmobile. But who wants that? Take a look at Kajeet or, if you’re a little less tech savvy, Firefly. Kajeet and Firefly both offer kid-friendly designs and features. The Firefly phone even has a mom and dad button — now getting picked up from soccer practice is just a call away. Send mom and dad here so they can figure out if they should buy it for you. They’ll be offering the Katana 2 and Firefly has a few new models coming out as well.

Worse comes to worse, take the flip phone they give you. It’s better than nothing.

Computers
Look, you’re young. You don’t know what you should be clicking. You might want to play some games, but get a console, dude. No reason to waste money on an Alienware if you’re not even allowed to play Medal of Honor. Tell mom and dad to get you a low end PC — $500 max — and install Ubuntu Linux. It has word processors for your homework, some basic games, and all kinds of communications apps like Mozilla and AIM. You KNOW you’re going to download some kind of spyware, so why not just play it safe and run Linux? Your school is probably running Linux anyway, it keeps you safe, and if you REALLY need to play games, you can teach yourself how to install Windows.

Games
Go get a Wii. Mom and Dad can play, you can enjoy yourself, and you won’t get a bubble butt from playing Halo too much. Barring that, get an XBox 360 and if you already have that get a PS3. PC Gaming is cool, but consoles are much cooler.

MP3 Players
iPod nano. Just go get one. What? You want a BlurbleBlurp MP3 Player Max from Disney? Go get a nano.

Educational Stuff
HA!