Old timey roller coasters and new timey virtual reality

Here is an audio version of the below article as how it should be read. (Play it while you read for an extra special experience)

The spot was Magic Mountain, California. It was a hot summer day — much like the days my grandfather endured when he toiled under the sun, laying asphalt in the jungle. A day when you could sip ice-cold lemonade and it would offer a reprieve like no other – a cool vacation from the blistering sun.

We had heard that this combination of wearing a virtual reality headset and riding a roller coaster at the same time was one of the newest, most fun things ever. My neighbor, little Jimmy Johnson, mentioned to me it was more fun then playing in the mud patches by the old farmers bayou, which I found hard to believe since those dirty mud patches were a delight. I couldn’t just take his word for it, so I had to test it out for myself.

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The roller coaster was an old time favorite at the park. In the golden years, it used to be called “Revolution.” Now that a VR headset was added on and after extensive market research — they decided to call it… “New Revolution.” Such a new and creatively stunning name that when I heard it, It reminded me of the daisies that bloomed at my aunt Glenda’s vineyard. My aunt Glenda is dead now. The vineyard is a Burger King.

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As we embarked on our journey onto the roller coaster. myself and my two compadres Joe, known as “Two-timing Joe,” and Yashad, know as “yeah yeah Yashad,” were handed a Samsung Gear VR headset. The headset needed to be secured on our heads. There were many straps. The conductor asked Yashad if he was set to go. He responded with his signature “yeah yeah.” They then proceeded to buckle us into the Coaster it reminded me of when Two-timing Joe ¬†got strapped to that bull and almost won the rodeo. But he didn’t because he was Two-timing Joe — a cheater.

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The three of us calibrated our headsets, optimized our focus and the Coaster began its journey. The VR headset had us in a fighter pilot jet that went up and down and flipped with all the actual motions of the roller coaster. There were sensors along the track that knew where we were along the journey so no matter if you were in the front of the coaster or the back of the coaster, everyone got the same experience. Reminded me of the time we caught a wild llama up in the Appalachia and rode him to our campsite for the night.

The ride ended, but I had a sneaking suspicion that the ride wasn’t truly over. I ran over to the garbage can and grabbed a garbage bag and completed my journey on the edge of puking out my hipster breakfast of avocado toast and carrot juice. Luckily for me, it was just dry heaving and my ride had now come to an end.

Later I asked the parks proprietor if anyone had ever gotten sick on the ride before. She said, “no, never.” So I am the first person in the history of VR roller coasters to get sick. I will will take that distinctive title to the grave.

It was a great experience and if you have the opportunity to try it. Do it. Because as my grand pappy used to say. “You better ride a VR roller coaster boy before you settle down and find yourself a wife.” Oh grandpappy how we miss you dearly.

*based on a true story.
Video Credits:
Written by: Joe Zolnoski & Tito Hamze
Shot by: Joe Zolnoski & Yashad Kulkarni
Edited by: Joe Zolnoski
Special Thanks: Sue Carpenter & Six Flags Magic Mountain