The eJaculator Is A VR-Based Pleasure Machine For The Lads

If your girlfriend is in a coma or, at the very least, indisposed, I think we have something you might like. It’s called the eJaculator VR and it consists of a thinger that goes on your whozit and a VR mask that allows you to watch someone, somewhere in 3D and then find pleasure using the rubber thinger with some motors in it.

In your life, why should you give valuable time to this thing? Well if science fiction has taught us anything it’s that those possessing of a shyness that is criminally vulgar will eventually turn to robotic helpmates in their time of need. While it will never be a heavenly way to die by the side of a robotic sex toy, it can keep you busy while you’re cruising Tinder.

If you have five seconds to spare, then I’ll tell you the story of my life. I’ve tried many of these things, going all the way back to the original Tenga jars. I’ve found many of them to be interesting at first, when you’re clumsy and shy, and then a little bit annoying. This looks to be more of the same but the connection to VR is important. Because it creates a seemingly immersive pornographic environment I suspect it will be a lot more fun when you use it to hang the blessed DJ, as it were.

Look: don’t buy this if you don’t want to experience the sex of the future. At $125 for the early-bird units you’re not going to break the bank and it seems that even without the VR headset you can still enjoy the pleasure and the privilege of robotic copulation. Not feeling it? Well there’s always the opportunity to spend long summer days indoors, which is oftentimes considered superior.

If the eJaculator is something you’d like to try then go ahead and back their Indiegogo campaign. They even allow you to pledge anonymously and they won’t say no. How could they?

Heaven knows I’m miserable now.