Microsoft Employee Pens The Worst/Best Corporate Blog Post Of All Time

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Recently a Microsoft employee published a blog post on the company’s Office blog. The missive, under the name of Tim Carroll, a “senior product manager on the Office 365 team,” is perhaps the worst and best corporate blog post of all time. A Microsoft spokesperson informed TechCrunch that “the blog post was not properly vetted,” that it has been taken down, and that it was not “a reflection of [the company’s] views.”

So put on some coffee, everyone, and let’s dig into the funniest thing you will read all week.

It starts with the non-sensical, quasi-baiting headline:

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And how can Google Apps bring a family together? That sounds like a bad TV ad spot hyping the idea that the family that clouds together stays together. And if Google Apps helps families, why is Microsoft saying it?

Let’s keep going:

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There is a lot to learn here. First that Kids These Days think that YouTube is a viable career option. Second that Knucklehead here sounds like a lot more fun than his Dad. Third, something about sign language, and, now, back to Google:

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This happens to me every day — shouting at Google Apps, then discussing the ever-sexy concept of “fidelity issues,” before shifting to a subtweet of Google’s productivity tools. Plastic hammer!

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We have a new analogy, here, moving from the classic Plastic Hammer v. House, to the Swiss Army Knife viz Heated Volks. Let’s see how Dad brings this back to software:

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So you see, Office 365 is Spanish, and Google Apps is Sign Language. Or something. And students, not being pros, need something that was “built for professionals.”

I don’t know. Let’s get to the dismount:

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“Why Enterprises Choose Office 365?” Go make me a sandwich! Sudo make me a sandwich?

Google.

To be fair, I don’t think that the people behind the post were trying to be anything but funny, and sincere. Little did they know that that combination is fraught with other shipwrecked bits of writing.

Also, lolololololololol.