Cast out from the ice halls of his father Othin, doomed to carry the world serpent in his teeth as he wings his justice across the face of the dead earth, great world-eater Thor is here to mete justice on us, his iron eyes hard over a blazing red beard. Woe betide he who looks upon his lover Járnsaxa with avarice for Thor mess not with that sort of thing and will totally flatten you.
Why do I bring these legends to your offering chest, brave reader? For I have for you a genuine (reproduction) of Thor’s mighty hammer, a device so dread and powerful that Thor’s craven enemies call it by only one name – Myron. Doth you wish this hammer to hang by your protruding bits at the next Comic-Con? Read on!
Young warrior, if you dare take up this quest, comment below with your best horrible comic-book pseudo-Shakespearean preamble to galactic war. Comment only once and I will pick one winner at random on the Moons Day when the sun is high over the isle of Manhattoes.
Thanks to 80stees for supplying the freaking hammer.
UPDATE – Congrats to Javier