Nintendo patented a hemorrhoid pillow for the Wii


Hey, Wii fans! Ready to ride a burro? Well hop on the probably-will-never-be-made Wii inflatable controller, a soft rubber pillow that you can ride on like a total and absolute freak of nature.

The controller was supposed to let you ride on imaginary horses and other stuff and you’d hold the nunchuk like reins. Then you would shoot yourself in the face when you realized you were alone in this world and for the past ten days the only sound you’ve heard was the soft susurration of air moving through the baffles in a plastic bag you’re sitting on while pretending to ride a horse on a screen.