Barf-o-matic ‘Sonic Nausea’ device is just what I need

sn_med I live on the top floor of a three-floor Brownstone. Behind my building and down at ground level is the driveway of a couple in their mid-thirties who have a boy who does nothing but scream at the top of his lungs and a girl who does nothing but cry about everything. These children seem to be outside on the driveway all… day… long. Oh, and they just got a basketball hoop, too.

The parents are completely hands-off as far as disciplining the children, although the husband and wife have had many a loud argument between themselves out in the driveway. My desk is on the opposite end of our 1,000-square foot apartment from this driveway, yet even with the windows closed, most of my days are filled with the incessant whining, yelling, crying, and arguing from a family of four living in the middle of Boston who don’t seem to think (or care) that they’re surrounded by neighbors.

I’ve dreamt up several plans to combat the noise, the most elaborate being a giant, outdoor, flat speaker that sits in or just outside our living room window, aimed directly at the driveway. When the hubbub starts up, this speaker would blast white noise at the target area in the hopes of drowning out most of the din from below.

Such an apparatus, however, would be costly and who knows if it’d actually work. I’d probably have much better luck with this $30 Sonic Nausea device, which “generates a unique combination of ultra-high frequency soundwaves which soon leads most in its vicinity to queasiness. It can also cause headaches, intense irritation, sweating, imbalance, nausea, or even vomiting.”

It’s powered by a single 9-volt battery and, while it’s suggested that you hide this thing inside your neighbor’s house, I’d almost be willing to see if it’d work out in their driveway. Asking politely in person hasn’t worked, letter-writing hasn’t worked, nor has yelling “Shaaad-aaaap!” – maybe a little queasiness will do the trick. I’m almost positive that there’s some sort of law against making people barf, though.

Have any good noisy neighbors stories? Any good tips on how to make it stop?

Sonic Nausea [via Red Ferret]