Kid Rock boycotts iTunes, crushes beer can on thigh, pushes gardener into pool, swears at masseuse

Unlike most rock stars, Kid Rock doesn’t like what Apple is doing to spread his music and mission and so he is boycotting iTunes. What is his complaint? That iTunes, like traditional music companies who produce “music albums” on “disks,” doesn’t pay enough.

“Back in the day, we all know the stories of the Otis Reddings and Chuck Berrys and Fats Dominos who never got paid,” Kid Rock told the BBC News website.

Sadly, Mr. Rock failed to realize that most of his success is based on stealing and updating the attitudes and styles of said Reddings, Berrys, and Dominos and he would be a toothless meth addict if his corn-pone rap and jingoistic hard rock hadn’t captured some attention even before the era of iTunes hegemony.

Luckily, Mr. Rock understands the value of downloading and will soon make his latest album available on iTunes where we’re all sure he’s going to do just fine. After all, frat boys need something to hide the sound of their furtive masturbation.