<img class="right" src="https://techcrunch.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/01/horror when I saw this crazy knife sharpener on Uncrate.
The utilizes a two-stage system with Sapphirite sharpening wheels to render your blades certifiably deadly and not suitable for children (or Blake). It's electric, so you don't have to flail your arms wildly during the sharpening process. And it can be yours for just $30.