I cannot feasibly write a new post on TechCrunch dot com every time a new Pokémon is announced. I did skip over Bellibolt, the electric frog Pokémon that generates power from its big belly. But you know what’s even better than the partner Pokémon of a VTuber gym leader? Greavard. So here we are, writing a post to tell you about this haunting, good boy. I promise, any editor who is reading this, I did not spend more than 20 minutes on this important update in technology news.
Coming to “Pokémon Scarlet and Violet,” Greavard is like a cross between a Litwick (the candle Pokémon that debuted in “Pokémon Black and White”) and a bearded collie, as one Twitter user delightfully illustrated for us here:
In other words, Greavard is a ghost dog. In other other words, according to the Pokémon Company, Greavard is a “lovable subsurface lurker.” That’s either a really great or really terrible Tinder bio, and I can’t decide which, so don’t blame me if you scare off your future wife.
Why “subsurface”? According to the video, it looks like Greavard appears in the wild like a little candle on the ground, submerging its body beneath the surface — maybe the name “Greavard” is supposed to combine “graveyard” and “grief,” and this ghost dog is trying to reunite with a new owner to shower with love? Let’s not dwell on that for too long. But when you approach the shining candle, Greavard will jump out of the ground while “letting out a spooky cry that would startle most unsuspecting people — though it doesn’t appear to do this with ill intent,” the Pokémon Company says.
“Greavard has such a friendly and affectionate personality that paying it even the slightest bit of attention will make it so overjoyed that it will follow Trainers wherever they go. Of all the Pokémon residing in the Paldea region, it is known to be especially easy to befriend,” the press release reads.
But of course, because Pokédex entries are haunting and horrifying, this ghost dog has some pretty dark undertones.
“Greavard will slowly and inadvertently absorb the life-force of those around it, so it’s best not to play with it too much. What’s more, it also has powerful jaws that can shatter bones. A single bite from Greavard can be grievous — so Trainers are advised to approach it with caution,” it says.
I don’t know what to make of that, but I’m definitely catching a Greavard who will become best friends with my Lechonk. I think he’s just a good boy who needs a belly rub in the afterlife. He cannot hurt me.