Start your day with a panic attack, courtesy of the Doomsday Alarm Clock

There are two types of people in the world. There are the people who like waking up softly, perhaps with some gentle music and some stretching to slowly shake off the gentle slumber as they transition from a night’s rest. Maybe journal your dreams, do some gratitude practice and hum to yourself as you run the kettle to make a cup of tea. And then there are… other people. People who like to start their days with existential dread, heart palpitations and a hairline trigger for panic attacks. If you’re in the latter category, I have a recommendation and a request from you.

The recommendation is to download the Doomsday Alarm Clock, which lets you choose an apocalyptic scenario. You can choose fun stories like global warming or volcanic eruption, which will then play as your alarm clock, and wake you up with disturbing news and bone-chilling facts about how the world might end. The app is free, but the app’s makers encourage users to donate to EarthJustice, “to prevent our likeliest doomsday scenario, climate change).

The request is to stay the ever-loving copulation away from me, and please never talk to me ever again, you raging sociopath. That’s an awful way to start the day in a world where there are plenty of chances to get trauma-triggered at every possible turn, from every tweet, every other news story and every third interaction I have with people.

I’m all for reminding people of the absolute clusterclunge we are facing with climate change, but I’m also of the opinion that the first 10 or 15 minutes of the day deserve to be soft and gentle, as our brains slowly reboot into the stark reality of the blazing disaster that’s facing us as we deign to open our eyes. You make your own best choices; you do you, boo, but seriously… try Enya and some yoga every once in a while?