Hey Google, what happened at Google I/O today?
Artificial intelligence.
Okay, that’s non-specific. I heard Android P was released today. What’s new?
Hmm. Has Google added any features to make battery life longer on Android?
Let’s move on. What about the brightness settings? I heard there was something new there too?
How the hell can brightness use artificial intelligence? And why do you only say one thing? Let’s move on to some apps. What’s new with Google Maps?
Photos?
Lens?
News?
Gmail?
Gboard?
You are the worst assistant ever. Did Google update Assistant at all?
Argh. I heard Google released a lot of dev tools today. What’s ML Kit about?
And Duplex?
And tensor processing un…you know never mind. I get the damn picture. At least you still call Google Research Google Research right?
No, it’s called Google Research.
Dammit they rebranded. You know, you are the very definition of a PR drone.
Artificial intelligence.
Wait, you’re not human?
Artificial intelligence.
You pass the Turing test.