This Ridiculous Frankenwatch Embodies Everything The Swiss Are Doing Wrong

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Much has already been said about the new mullet watch by Nico Gerard. The watch, called the Pinnacle, costs $9,200 and is essentially a metal band with two watches attached to it. On one side you have an automatic three-handed “chronograph” with Swiss movement and, on the other side, an Apple Watch. The entire thing is so ludicrous that I suspect someone in Switzerland is trolling us all today but, on the other hand, it is completely indicative of why Switzerland is losing the battle for our wrists.

But while knee-jerk assessments are certainly fun, I’d like to make a more reasoned argument as to why this watch is everything that is horrible about everything.

Watch companies like Nico Gerard exist because rich people and fashion folks will them into being. The company has only one watch available on its website, the aforementioned frankenwatch, and this watch was invented primarily to get buzz.

The cheapest model is $9,200 – way too expensive at half that price – and the styling is bland and uninspiring. The watches themselves run a modified ETA 2824 movement – the so-called NG2824A – and each includes a steel Apple Watch unless, presumably, you spring for an Edition.

The watches are COSC-certified, a process that adds a few thousand to the price and basically means that the watch has been tested at the Contrôle Officiel Suisse des Chronomètres, a non-profit certification organization. COSC used to be important; it was the only way to confirm a mechanical watch would keep accurate time. But now that materials and systems are making consistent and consistently accurate mechanical movements it is essentially a frippery.

Having a COSC certification on your watch is akin to paying a non-profit organization thousands of dollars attest that your luxury car is able to drive 250 miles without catching fire and “vrooms real good.”

So on one side we have the worst Switzerland has to offer – a generic, boring, three-handed watch that is certified by a bullshit organization – and on the other side you have a watch that most connoisseurs either loath or dread.

The ones that loath it would never buy this watch and the ones that dread it – meaning they understand that the Apple Watch is what will soon replace the Rolex on their wrist – are equally unenthused. It is a lose-lose, however you slice it.

Will Nico Gerard sell a few units? Sure. Fools and their money are separated every minute. Is this the future? Absolutely not. There is a market for mechanicals and there is a market for Apple Watches. The twain will never meet.

I’m still wearing my Apple Watch and I understand its limitations which is why I still slap on my Omegas and JLCs when I feel I need to disconnect. But when it comes to feeling the need to wear the both at once — well that’s a really hard sell and Switzerland still doesn’t get it.