Haha, Microsoft’s Windows 10 Upgrade Path For Pirates Is Confusing As Shit

If you didn’t keep your ear to the page this weekend, especially regarding the news that relates to how Microsoft will allow — or not! — folks that pirated previous versions of Windows to get, or not, Windows 10, I am here to help.

However, you can’t stop poetry in motion, and you also can’t write a better story than reality, so to save time, here’s ZDNet’s Mary Jo Foley from earlier today:

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See that bottom line? Here is a small tip: If Mary Jo doesn’t get it, no one gets it. As far as the reporter class goes, Foley is akin to Nostradamus on the Microsoft beat. So, if she is still twisted, things make as much sense as that scene from Jurassic World when Muscley Dude rode his motorcycle through the woods with the raptors.

Anyhoo, it shouldn’t be too much of a surprise that people who pirated Windows won’t get the free ride to Windows 10. Microsoft is remaking itself, but not at so rapid a clip that it intends to  give away what literally built its business.

Windows as a service indeed. But not officially for pirates, because that just wouldn’t convert.

So here comes Windows 10 in 37 days. But not for pirates. At least not officially.