Apple Watch, Shmapple Watch. Here’s A Watch That’s Full Of Ants!

Assume, for sanity’s sake, that this isn’t an April Fool’s joke. If we begin our exploration of the Ant Watch on that basis we are able to suspend, for a moment, our disbelief and consider deeply and truly the madness of wearing a watch full of ants on your wrist.

And that is just what this is: a watch containing ants. You feed said ants a little sugar every few weeks and they live within the watch, busily making tunnels in a shake-resistant container, while you examine their activities like a great dead-eyed god.

Some information is in order. From the site:

The Ant Watch houses 3-5 live harvester ants at a time carried on your wrist in a refillable watch-like enclosure with specially designed shake resistant nesting material. Each purchase comes with a vial of 5 live ants, sand, a food/water dropper, tweezers, a case opening tool, and simple and easy care guide.To add the ants to your farm, place tube in refrigerator for 10 minutes to put the ants to sleep – then handle them with tweezers as you move them to their new home.

This watch is obviously not for children.

But I ask you, friends, at what point in your life did you look at your wrist and say “Huh. Ants?” In what universe will you be allowed to put ants into a fridge? What strange delirium could cause you to leave live ants on your bedside table as you sleep? While ants are not intrinsically dangerous I believe that they are inherently creepy and the further from our delicate parts the better is the rule of the day.

That said, perhaps you’re the kind of person who wants a watch full of ants. The watch – which does not tell time – costs $59 and includes a year’s worth of real ants shipped to your home. Presumably you can replace the ants with maggots or cockroaches once you run out. Let’s see Tim Cook beat that.