College Tips By Google: You’ll Fail Without These 16 Google Products

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Without Google, no one ever graduated college. At least that’s the message of “College Tips By Google“. It’s a new site where Google shamelessly suggests its products as the answer to all the problems facing today’s students.

Follow these tips, and you’ll become a healthy, productive cog in Google’s advertising machine.

Yes, you could follow the official tips and collaborate on a resume through Docs or practice a presentation on Hangouts. But let’s face it. The people who built these products probably didn’t have a typical college experience.

Here’s a list of the 16 products Google suggests and how I think they’re actually used by college students:

  • Google Maps – Drunkenly find your way back to/from the frat house
  • Google Docs – Get your classmates to do all the work for you, edit your name in at the end
  • Google Hangouts – Have video chat sex with your girlfriend who’s studying abroad
  • Gmail – Sign up for 46 clubs, read newsletters, never attend meetings
  • Google Places – Find the nearest place to buy red cups and ping pong balls
  • Google Calendar – Ignore your alerts until you have 3 hours to write that 20 page paper
  • Google Chrome – Roommate away for the weekend? New Incognito Window ;)
  • Google Scholar – Cite books you never read, or don’t, plagiarizing is easier
  • Google Sites – Set up a protest site to stick it to the fascist school administration for banning kegs from the library
  • Google Tasks – Feel guilty about all the reading you never do
  • Google Advisor – Find the best 3rd credit card so you don’t run out of beer money
  • Google Groups – Contribute nothing to the study group but read everyone else’s summaries
  • Google Goggles – Scan your art history exam and get those obscure artist names
  • Google Product Search – Buy your text books a week before finals
  • Google Flight Search – Springbreak!!!
  • Google+ – (no use)