Without Google, no one ever graduated college. At least that’s the message of “College Tips By Google“. It’s a new site where Google shamelessly suggests its products as the answer to all the problems facing today’s students.
Follow these tips, and you’ll become a healthy, productive cog in Google’s advertising machine.
Yes, you could follow the official tips and collaborate on a resume through Docs or practice a presentation on Hangouts. But let’s face it. The people who built these products probably didn’t have a typical college experience.
Here’s a list of the 16 products Google suggests and how I think they’re actually used by college students:
- Google Maps – Drunkenly find your way back to/from the frat house
- Google Docs – Get your classmates to do all the work for you, edit your name in at the end
- Google Hangouts – Have video chat sex with your girlfriend who’s studying abroad
- Gmail – Sign up for 46 clubs, read newsletters, never attend meetings
- Google Places – Find the nearest place to buy red cups and ping pong balls
- Google Calendar – Ignore your alerts until you have 3 hours to write that 20 page paper
- Google Chrome – Roommate away for the weekend? New Incognito Window ;)
- Google Scholar – Cite books you never read, or don’t, plagiarizing is easier
- Google Sites – Set up a protest site to stick it to the fascist school administration for banning kegs from the library
- Google Tasks – Feel guilty about all the reading you never do
- Google Advisor – Find the best 3rd credit card so you don’t run out of beer money
- Google Groups – Contribute nothing to the study group but read everyone else’s summaries
- Google Goggles – Scan your art history exam and get those obscure artist names
- Google Product Search – Buy your text books a week before finals
- Google Flight Search – Springbreak!!!
- Google+ – (no use)