My Virtual Boyfriend Is Awkward, Funny, And STD-Free

Dating sucks. Nine out of ten times, your suitor is a jerk. The other ten percent of the time, they pretend not to be a jerk only to show their true jerk-like colors a few weeks later. This is the world we live in, and there’s really nothing we can do about it.

Oh wait… That’s right. There’s an app for that. Straight ladies and gay gentlemen: Wet Productions proudly introduces the My Virtual Boyfriend app. Yep, you can now find love through a simple App Store download, which is equally weird and hilarious. There won’t be any fun sexy time like there would be with a physical boyfriend, but at least you know you’ll be 100 percent STD-free.

The app is described as a “game” by the developer, where you work to get the virtual boyfriend to fall in love with you by relating to his personality. There are over 100 guys to choose from, all of which are based on various male stereotypes like the alpha male, the geek, the urban male (not sure what that implies?), the metrosexual, and the nice guy. From there you can customize his hair, clothing, face and even change his name.

Then the game begins. Your virtual boyfriend starts things up by saying something awesomely cheesy like “There must be a light switch on my forehead because every time I see you, I’m turned on,” or “They say the pen is mightier than the sword, but obviously they haven’t seen my sword.” Saucy. You are then given a number of different reactions to give him, ranging from smiley-face-thumbs-up to angry-face-thumbs-down to confused and disgusted faces.

You also have the option to choose dates and activities, or perform actions like giving him a compliment or holding hands. If you select the interact option, you’ll be able to perform certain gestures through touch like poking him in the belly, caressing his cheek, or my personal favorite, a nice slap across the face. The device’s built-in accelerometer detects when you are holding it at an awkward angle, and makes your new BF stumble all over the place like there’s an earthquake in his little virtual world.

But don’t think that just because your boyfriend’s virtual that he’s not an ass. Depending on what criteria you give at the beginning of the game, your virtual boyfriend could be a total tool (check out the screen grab to the right). Luckily, you can swap him out for a better one with a few taps. If only you could do that in the real world.

The app is available for $.99 on the Apple App Store and works with the iPad, iPod, and iPhone. There is also a free Lite version of My Virtual Boyfriend if you’d like to get a feel for the boy toys before paying up. Check out the video after the break.