When I was a lad, the Guinness Book Of World Records meant something. Kids at my school would battle to be the first into the library, kicking and clawing as they raced past the lame books — you know, the encyclopedias, almanacs, or other books meant for actual learning — to the little back-corner shelf where they kept the book. Screw knowledge — it was time to read about about the dude with the longest fingernails and chuckle at those two fat guys on the motorcycles.
Alas, the name doesn’t seem to mean quite as much these days. At this point, Guinness will give out a World Record for just about anything. Longest line of people washing dishes? Alright. Most plastic bottles recycled in one hour? Sure!. Most people sanitizing their hands? Yep! (Seriously.)
Watering things down a bit more, it looks like Guinness will be adding a few more weak ones: the highscores from an iOS game.. that they made… so that people could get into the book.
The game, Guinness World Records: Gamers Edition Arcade, is a collection of 5 mini-games. To borrow their descriptions:
· Monkey Country: The gorillas have gone crazy! Take out as many primates as you can in one minute
· Mental Gears: Engage fingers and brain to pick a series of locks, opening as many as possible in 60 seconds
· Chest Of Destruction: It’s bomb disposal against the clock! Cut the correct wires before they blow
· Hoover’s Hot Air Escape: Race your balloon up a treacherous canyon, avoiding the overhanging cliffs
· Rupee Roulette: Tilt the treasure chest to swipe the rupees before the clock hits zero
· Adventure Mode: Is the ultimate challenge, with Thomas Braider, a famed archaeologist, guiding gamers on a full-on record-breaking romp through all five challenges.
Come September 1st, 2011, the highest scores for each game will be announced and scribed into stone for people to celebrate until the end of time (or, at least, until the next year when Guinness either updates the scores or quietly lops them out of the book in hope that no one really notices). On the upside, we’re not talking about the main Guinness Book here — they’re going to be printed in a special Gamer’s Edition.