So you’re like on the Internet and you get an email from a company called Gresso and you’re all like “Oh wow another iPhone case, dumb dumb dumb” and you’re about to stand up and go get another oatmeal cookie and you notice WTF right? WTF? Rhinestones made of pressed gold what wizardry is this where are we, Hyrule? Is this Lazy Town? Where is Little John doing a mash-up with a girl? And how much are these things? $1,000? I will take two, please! Also, could I please have a completely indecipherable press release detailing all the insane aspects of this case including the “Unique crystal Gold Crystal Glutinous of 18K” and the “washer acc iPhone.” And the Internet is all like “Your wish is my command, my master!” and bang, there’s the press release:

For the first time a unique collection of gold rhinestones Gold Crystal presented dizane iPhone4 Gresso Gold Crystal and washer acc iPhone.
Traditionally, for Gresso, iPhone4 back panel is made of 200-year old African Blackwood. This material has the highest strength class, which is achieved as a result of its processing on a unique technology patented by Gresso, in addition to the exceptional natural qualities African Blackwood.
Unique crystal Gold Crystal Glutinous of 18K gold encrusted Gresso logo on the back of iPhone.
Golden Crystal size 2.5 mm decorate Case iPhone4 Gresso Gold Crystal Case of genuine alligator.
Collection of crystals Gresso Gold Crystal, IPhone4Gresso Gold Crystal and Gold Crystal Case for sale in 2011.
Price iPhone Gold Crystal -15 000 $, Gold Crystal Case – 1000 $.

Seriously. This is a real product. I know. Someday I think this company will reveal that they’re actually the front for a web design company and all this garbage they’re trying to sell to the catastrophically ignorant is fake. A man can dream.

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