OK, so a few minutes ago I got a press release from Valve talking about the latest Team Fortress 2 update. I read the subject line and was like, “Oh, I bet they added a bunch of stuff. Neat.” But then I read the press release.
So here it is, in all of its glory:
September 30, 2010 – Badlands, New Mexico. Mann Co., the industry leader in selling products and getting in fights, today announced the deployment of the Mann-Conomy initiative to the warring mercenary factions in the ongoing global war between Builders League United (BLU) and Reliable Excavation Demolition (RED). The Mann-Conomy initiative represents the largest introduction of new items in the company’s history, available for immediate trading, use, and sale.
“This brutal, endless war between BLU and RED is, of course, lamentable,” said C.P. Bidwell, assistant to Mann Co. CEO Saxton Hale. “So if letting mercenaries buy, trade and sell Mann Co. products helps make this ongoing tragedy more enjoyable for both sides, then we’ve done our part. The Mann-Conomy initiative is, at the end of the day, a humanitarian effort.”
The first update in this ongoing initiative will involve 65 new items overall-including the introduction of five new Class Weapon Kits, 18 new hats, and an all-new way to get in an additional fight during an existing one: dueling pistols.
The Mann-Conomy initiative will allow BLU and RED mercenaries to finally trade items with each other, escalating hostilities further through emotionally wrenching haggling sessions over hats.
Mercenaries who purchase items through the Mann Co. Store will not have an advantage over their rivals. “We want to make sure that our customers still have a terrific experience on the battlefield whether they buy anything or not,” says Bidwell. “All the existing ways they were able to get their hands on weaponry still exist without them having to spend any money.”
“Steam”, a revolutionary Mann Co. technology developed in cooperation with Newell & Sons (a small Bellevue, WA based company specializing in hat-themed war simulation), utilizes a global network of pneumatic tubes that will allow mercenaries to equip themselves instantly without leaving the heat of battle. Mann Co. is currently accepting Euros, United States Dollars, and British Pounds, as all of these currencies will fit in the tubes.
For more information about the Mann-Conomy, please visit http://www.teamfortress.com/
About Mann Co. Mann Co. is a global weapons manufacturer that makes square, unsafe products for men and gets in fights. Founded in Australia and based in America, Mann Co. CEO Saxton Hale prides himself on his hands-on customer relations: “If you have a problem with any Mann Co. product, you can take it up with me!”
Why can’t every company be even one-tenth as fun as Valve?