Please join me in breathing a collective sigh of relief with the rest of the internet as I say, “Thank you, SkyMall! It’s about time!”
Yes my friends, this will be the last winter that you’ll ever have to deal with non-tanned feet. Just stick the $230 Solafeet Foot Tanner under your desk, slide your feet into the glowing holes for 15 minutes, and within a couple weeks you’ll be the envy of all your friends, family, and coworkers. Goldentoes, they’ll call you. That’ll be your new nickname, Goldentoes.
To be fair, it appears that this product is geared more for summertime use or for use in places with year-round warm climates. According to the product description:
“If you always feel like people are gawking at your white feet and the unsightly tan lines around your ankles when you wear sandals or pumps, then you need the Solafeet foot tanner. Those tan lines can be gone in 5 to 10 days with just fifteen minutes a day. Then you can go from the golf course to the clubhouse in confidence. The Solafeet is ideal for flip-flop wearers, tennis players and joggers. It meets or exceeds all FDA standards, and cleans easily with a mild detergent and non-abrasive cloth.”
To be unfair, if you’re seriously considering spending $230 on a device that gets rid of the tan lines on your feet, then I invite you to spend each morning looking into a full length mirror and saying, “Hi Me. I like you. You are a nice person. People like you, too. It doesn’t matter that you have tan lines on your ankles. If anyone asks, tell them that’s where God touched you.”
Whenever the case, nobody’s “gawking at your white feet” except other Solafeet owners. And until they outnumber the rest of us, there’s no need to worry about anything. Unless they’ve already outnumbered the rest of us. Have they already outnumbered the rest of us?
You know what? I’m not taking any chances. I’m just going to buy one. You’re free to burn at the altar of public opinion however you see fit but I’ll be damned if anyone’s going to gawk at my feet. Better safe than sorry in this case.