The Buddha said that life is suffering and that the goal of right meditation is the easement of this suffering. That is why we have the Shake -n-Chop. This is a tube that you put food in and then shake up and down in a masturbatory motion, thereby rendering the food into the state of “chopped.”
Unlike the SlapChop, the Shake-n-Chop does not cause pain. Instead, it causes kitchen enlightenment. It is not available for purchase and the website was made by a twelve year old on summer vacation but it is clear that the Shake-n-Chop has a great future ahead of it in the manufacture of what appear to be maggots out of any prime organic material.