Like most children I think my mom walks on water. She’s beautiful and kind and makes really excellent cookies. So like any good son I sent her roses today for her birthday. And she called to thank me, because she is always very polite. Everything was just peachy.
Except that I didn’t catch her call. And then Google Voice, which I have recently adopted, took her voicemail and auto-transcribed it. And then things just got creepy.
Her message, as translated by Google Voice:
Hi Mike, It’s Mom Mom, I got three dozen roses, I can’t believe it. Gosh I’m gonna have to get up on you or something. You need to save your money for your house but they’re beautiful 3 dozen. I can’t quite 31, half a dozen within funny. Thank you so much. I’m not gonna. I’m not going to be able. I’m on my next birthday because you can’t afford it, so I’ll talk to you soon. I love you, thank you bye.
I listened to the actual voicemail and, thankfully, my mother did not actually say “Gosh I’m gonna have to get up on you or something” to thank me for the flowers. What she really said? “I’m going to have to give up on you or something,” referring to me wasting money on flowers.
I love you mom. But Google, this is just wrong. I’m probably going to need therapy now.