Someone got all the way to level 80 in World of Warcraft without dying. It’s quite the achievement (although not an actual Blizzard Achievement.)
The following is inspired by the exploits of Cautious, the now level 80 Warrior. I’ve taken creative license.
Setting: A rubbish apartment in New York.
Characters: Cautious, who also goes by Cautious in real life (IRL); and two roommates, and guild mates, named Bohn Jiggs and Batt Murns. They seated nearby each other in the apartment.
It’s a Tuesday night, and Cautious’ guild, The Bra Busters, is raiding one of those big dungeons or whatever. Cautious is one bar away from hitting level 80. The excitement is noticeable.
Cautious: Yes! Just one bar away from owning this. I’ll go down in WoW Insider history as the person who hit 80 without dying.
Batt: Yeah you will! A couple hundred people you’ve never met before will be jealous for like 2 seconds lol.
Cautious: Shut up jerk, we’ll see how well you do in this raid if I log off. No tank, no treasure.
Batt: Treasure? Don’t you mean loot?
Cautious: Does “loot” alliterate with “tank”? I thought not.
Bohn: Can you two nerds stfu and get geared already, I want to run this before my clothes go out of style.
Batt: Hey that’s my shirt you’re wearing! It’s not out of style, ass.
Bohn: It’s garbage, Batt, hot steamy garbage.
Cautious: Ok, geared. Ready. Come on, 80!
Forty-five seconds later
All: Wipe! WTF!
Thirty minutes later
Batt: Man, Cautious has been locked in the bathroom for a while now. I hope he’s not too upset that he didn’t ding 80 before dying.
Bohn: Nah, he’s probably cool.
Bohn and Batt smash the bathroom door open
Batt and Bohn: Gasp!
Cautious can be seen sitting on the bowl, eating and weeping.
Ron Howard, the narrator: Who saw that coming?
fin.