Never Nude Land: A Place For Cutoffs

Well, the internet officially has a social network for everything. Today sees the launch of Never Nude Land, a social network for users who prefer to keep their dark nether regions housed in the comfort of clothing – at all times. It’s exactly what it sounds like: the site caters to a collection of individuals that consider portions of their clothing to be an integral part of their nude physique, and are generally unwilling to take it off, even when they prepare to make love on their spouses.

While most people have never heard of it, according to the site Nevernudism is a fairly common condition affecting dozens of people worldwide (the actual number is far higher, as the vast majority of Never-Nudes do not reveal themselves to their peers). Unfortunately, despite its high frequency, there are many social stigmas associated with the condition. Never-Nudes are commonly mocked for their affinity to jean cutoffs, which others often interpret as an attempt to hide a lack of genitalular fortitude.

The social network was founded by outspoken Never-Nude Zach Braff, who says he started the site as a way to meet girls who could understand his condition (I suspect he also has quite a bit of free time now that Scrubs is nearly over). Braff says he relied largely on outsourced developers to build the site, who appear to have simply cloned innovative German social network StudiVZ.

But what NeverNudeLand lacks in originally, it makes up for with its tight-knit community. Members can be found helping each other with common Never-Nude issues on a forum frequented by Braff and other celebrity members. Popular threads include “How to bathe in the never-nude”, “Sex, Denim, and You” and a photo sharing section where members can comment on how effectively their outfits ‘hide their thunder’.

At this point the site is still fairly early in its lifespan, and I have high hopes for it despite its derivative design. Furthermore, in researching this piece I learned things about the Never-Nude community that I was not aware of, and I deeply hope that they can gain the acceptance they deserve under the guidance of Braff. The community has my full support, and I understand their plight far more than they’ll.. never know.