Simpsons ‘Comic Book Guy’ apparently selling lawn darts now


Remember Jarts? The super dangerous but equally super fun lawn darts with spikey metal tips that got banned oh-so-many years ago? Apparently someone bought up a whole bunch of them and is selling them on a website called Jarts In Your Heart. Hopefully that’s supposed to mean that you’ve got loving memories of Jarts in your heart, not a physical Jart jabbed into it after a beer-filled Sunday afternoon turned barbecue turned drunken Jarts game.

Due to the scarcity of Jarts — since they’re not produced or sold anymore — the sets on Jarts In Your Heart are selling for almost $65. For legal reasons, the metal tips must be sold separately from the actual plastic Jart fins. This has undoubtedly caused some confusion, prompting the following Comic Book Guy-type product description on the website:

“These Jarts are NOT toys. They should be kept out of reach from children. They should be treated as you would a bow and arrow. These have and will puncture a person. If you have the IQ of a monkey please don’t buy lawn darts. I will not sell to anyone under 18. I do not have many sets left so when they’re gone they’re gone.

Now pay attention people here is where it gets tricky. Due to legal conditions the metal tips for these Jarts are sold as a separate item.

So… To get 1 complete set of playable Lawn Darts you need to purchase 1 set of Jarts (your choice of color) and 1 set of tips. If you can not follow these simple instructions your order will be automatically canceled.

Jarts in Your Heart will not be held liable for any death or injury caused by these Jarts. By purchasing from Jarts in your heart you agree to these terms.

Again, I can not stress this enough. If you’re an idiot just don’t buy Jarts, stick to playing Horseshoes, Baggo or that ladder ball game.”

What ladder ball game? Baseball? Soccer? Jacob’s Ladder? Volleyball? Get the ball of the roof? Ah, this ladder ball game. I didn’t know it was called Ladder Ball, I though it was called Ropey Balls Tangling Around PVC Pipes.

Jarts In Your Heart [Product page via FatWallet]