HUGE NEWS: Tesla electric Roadster popular with the rich


Greenwich Time, the newspaper for denizens of Greenwich, Connecticut, got to look at the Tesla Roadster and came away awed, if a little empty. Greenwich is a town famous for being the home to many New York millionaires who wish to lay their red, pulsating egg sacs under stately old oaks. Colin Gustafson, a “special correspondent” (read: someone related to one of the editors) rode along with a rich man named Gary Patrick on his first test drive of the Tesla Roadster .

What did this rich man have to say about the car? He was impressed enough to put down $108,000 to buy his own and he really enjoyed going fast while still helping the “environment.”

“We’re in a wealthy area,” Patrick added, “so, while gas prices aren’t as much of an issue, you can still feel like you’re fulfilling your green responsibiltity [sic] and reducing your carbon footprint with a car like this.”


He then proceeded to suck the intestines out of the reporter’s gut and before the Roadster flew into a ditch he unfurled his dark wings and flew into the air towards Hartford. He is now unavailable for comment although he did dropped a gardener’s severed head onto the roof of the Greenwich Post Office, which presumably signifies buyer’s remorse in his dread language.