10. Solitaire – Oh wait, it’s already out. It’s a third-party app called iSolitaire and kicks huge ass.
9. LocoRoco – Twist and turn that iPhone to get those blobs together. Don’t shake too hard or you’ll get a lava lamp.
8. American Idol – Sing into the microphone and get berated by a largish British man. Sounds like Karaoke with Winston Churchill, but thankfully there’s little screen interaction.
I feel asleep…
7. Original Metal Gear – Except for the shooting, you could probably just tap Solid Snake and lead him around by the nose in this top-down shooter from back when I barely had hair on my body.
6. Hunt the Wumpus – Open up the developer’s terminal and fire up emacs because Wumpus would probably be one of the easiest games to port to the iPhone ever. In fact, it’s already web-based so go ahead and give it a whirl. Add the Unreal Engine and some multiplayer and you’ve got a winner.
5. DDR – Move your fingers on the touchpad, dance-boy, and pretend you’re dancing. But we all know you dance alone, forever.
4. True Swing Golf – Whiff! Flip your finger on the touchpad to recreate the thrills of golf on a considerably bigger and brighter screen. For extra realism hire a teenager to carry your iPhone for you.
3. Wii Sports – Sure you won’t be able to see where your shots land but maybe you could shake the controller like a Wiimote? Bonus: Throw your iPhone at other people for more points.
2. Star Wars: The Arcade Game – Use your finger, Luke! Aim and tap on the screen to blow up vector-based Tie-fighters.
It’s characters like that damn sailor guy who really piss me off about Nintendo.
1. Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass – If the DS can do it with only the stylus, the iPhone can do it with your big greasy finger. Sail the Seven Seas and become pissed at a pirate in this modern classic.
Runner up: Wii Fit – Just don’t do push-ups on the screen.