It’s that time of year again. You know, that magical few months when it’s hot as sin and a single step outside means exposing yourself to yellow fever. If there’s anything we pasty-faced nerds hate more than the sun, it’s bugs. Not only the ones in our software but the kind which fly around aimlessly and try to sting you in the most inconvenient places. Usually those which you wouldn’t want to be seen scratching in public. For every modern problem there is a technological solution.
These gadgets provide protection from flying nuisances and make for hours upon hours of side splitting entertainment. Especially if you’re in the south in which case bug zappers also make delicious home-cooked meals. We know that most of you will probably be dragged outside by members of family or those of the opposite sex, so we thought ahead to make sure you stay itch and malaria free.
First and foremost, you will want to arm yourself with a strong offense.
Traditional fly swatters limit you to a range of about 3-4 feet which leaves a critical hole in your bug barrier. Such a small radius is unacceptable. This is where the FlyGun comes in. FlyGun fires special artillery rounds which spin in the air giving you deadly accuracy. The ability to terminate the enemy long before it has reached you will prove invaluable on the battle field. With proper modification, FlyGun can take out small birds. A steal at $6.95.
Next is the fly catcher. Living fly catchers take years to grow and can be quite pricey. This electronic fly catcher requires no water, and adds an extra layer of protection to your anti-bug bubble. Setting up a perimeter of these babies will make an example of unsuspecting flies and deter the rest from daring to penetrate your fortress.
Electronic Fly Catcher $19.95
Although the FlyGun is a good accomplice to the fly swatter, it is not a replacement. When the barrier has been breached and you are forced to fight, a good hand held weapon is key. Like Zorro and his sword, you must choose wisely. As we all know, the best things are Italian. Women, cars, furniture, Mussolini, you name it. So what better way to defeat your enemies than with some good old Italian craftsmanship. Not only will this fly swatter eliminate any bugs in your immediate vicinity, it will make sure you never get lost in Milan again.
The website [via BoingBoing] seems to be down so we have provided you with an alternative of equal power at only $2.31.
There is however, another more lethal alternative to the classic fly swatter. It will require back up power and with something which features a complex electric circuitry there is always the chance of malfunction. Try to steer clear of this method if you have not yet armed yourself with any of the mentioned weaponry. The electric fly swatter features a grid of electricity for instant death of any insects which it comes into contact with. This of course eliminates the hard surface necessary for a regular swatter, enabling you to kill insects mid flight.
Electric bug zapper $12.99
Then of course there is the average mil-spec aerial defense. The classic bug zapper. Yes, this tool which has received little alteration since the days our fathers used it is still effective today. Opposing forces have been unable to develop strategies with which to avert their doom at the hands of the bug zapper. Although pricey it will prove to be valuable to your arsenal. We suggest setting up a four corner perimeter, thus providing an ultimate safe-zone in the center.
And if you really want to enjoy your summer break the grill out, hang this baby from an acorn tree, and sprinkle breadcrumbs at the base. Nothing is more satisfying than waking up to an electric explosion of catastrophic proportions.
The BK-15 $50.00
OFF! is a well known brand when it comes to pest control. They have developed several products which will establish a fortified perimeter around your house and any outdoor activity you wish.
OFF! Yard & Deck spray will create an invisible shield after you spray it on surrounding foliage and furniture.
These decorative lamps are not so decorative to the bugs they will be terminating. Put one of these suckers on your patio and say goodbye to tiny flying assassins.
When worse comes to worse, and it very well might my friends, you are going to need one more shield as a final resort. When all else fails and you are huddled over waiting for sweet death. One final measure of protection might mean the difference between life and weeks of itchy skin and greasy lotion.
What I’m talking about is the product which put the OFF! name in households across America. I speak of course of spray. The personal shield which will keep you safe when Milan and FlyGun are just not enough. There are several models and levels of protection. Starting with Active which will provide little to no protection under intense circumstances.
What you need is top of the line protection. OFF! Deep Woods Sportsman is the strongest protection you can get. This stuff is nasty so try not to lick yourself after it is applied.
Please do yourself a favor and check out the Mosquito activity forecast for your area, and schedule activities and events accordingly.