Jesus Has the Answers (Or At Least 20 Of Them)


As a good Christian, I try to avoid playing with the Dark Forces of the Universe. Ouiji board? No thanks. Tarot cards? Not my thing. Magic 8-ball? I don’t think so. But what do I do when I need to divine my future? What crutch do I have to turn to when I can’t make decisions and think for myself?

Jesus is the answer, friends. Working much like a magic 8-ball, the Answer Me Jesus! is a talisman that doesn’t just give you a physical image of God in the form of Man to adore, but also gives you answers to your prayers in the form of a free-floating 20-sided die (reclaimed from Pagan D&D, no doubt).

This way, instead of getting advice from the great trickster Lucifer, I’m getting my randomly-generated life directions straight from our Lord and Saviour, Jesus H. Christ (here, the “H” stands for “handheld!”), and he shall set me on a path to truth and light, forever and ever, Amen.

Answer Me, Jesus! [Nerd Approved]