Otaku Fitness

mcscreen1.jpgWe’re geeks. We do things a little differently. And working out is no exception. Already we’ve learned a little bit about ways to get back into shape that are compatible with our nerd lifestyle, but what about making our lifestyle compatible with fitness?

When we wear our shirts with wolves howling at the moon, it’s not to be hipster ironic, it’s because six years ago our one aunt who smells like Ben Gay gave it to us as a gift when she got it at the national park. (Thanks, Aunt Diane!) We have jackets with built-in iPod controls, combo coffee/oven/hot plates, and built our own media centers out of scavenged parts. We won’t wear the biker shorts or the World’s Gym shirt or the iPod arm holder thing. No, that’s not us.

When we jog, bike, or lift, we’re going to do it our way, and there’s nothing they can do about it, short of pointing and laughing, which we’re used to. The jokes on them, too: that burns almost no calories. Here’s how we’re going to do it.

weightgoals.GIFFirst off, we’re going to use science to figure out our workout and dieting regimen. Thanks to advances in nerdery, you can now do it on your phone. Diet and Exercise Assistant runs on your Palm-powered Treo or PDA and not only helps you log your routine to measure results, but also helps you figure out which routine you should use, and whether or not it’s working. Because it’s in a handset, you can take it with you jogging or whatever. In fact, you can make yourself reminders to say “put down the pizza, loser. You don’t need the cheese”, even though you want it.

And when we’re jogging, we’re going going to wear our own running shoes. Some of the geekiest shoes in Sci-Fi ever are the ones that McFly wears in Back To The Future II. You know the ones, he puts them on and they auto-lace, with vocal feedback. His shoes talked to him, man. Now word’s come down that Nike might actually be introducing a line of future-retro shoes that are based on the kicks Marty was wearing, called the Air McFly. No, really, there are prototypes, just check the pics. We’re into it. If we’re going to run on purpose, we’re going to run with purpose, to show these light-up beauties off.

Since they’re Nike, they’ll work with the Nike/Apple iPod pedometer thing. Yah, it’s been out awhile now, but people are using it, and people are liking it. Use it to keep track of your steps, which can be converted to calories burned in the log on your Treo. It all kind of works together, you see?

mcdonaldsgym.jpgBut where are you going on your run? Infinite loops are geeky, but not for exercise. You want a point B to reach, and McDonald’s is one place any geek can find. But make it one that includes the new R Gym. Micky D’s is outfitting many of it’s stores restaurants with gyms, so you can wolf down a disgusting Big Mac and work it off in the same visit. Clever. And it fits the lifestyle.

While it’s satisfying, you’re better off sticking to your diet but jobbing to a VR gym. These places, like the Bay Club in San Francisco, augment their stationary bikes with VR, so you feel like you’re actually going up a hill when the resistance is applied. We love VR. For an extra $10, you can ride tandem with Lindsay Lohan. Tell ‘em Hickey sent you.

<img src="https://techcrunch.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/01/recumbent bike. You pedal while you download your porn. Awesome. Get one.

fpgr_g1a.jpgMaybe you’re more of a treadmill kind of guy. Yesterday I told you about the iPod-tastic stuff at your local gym. A company called GameRunner is offering interactive treadmills, meaning your running controls a character on a screen in front of you. Ok, maybe that’s a little much.

But put it all together, reader. There’s no reason you can’t burn the calories you need to while retaining your geekdom. Just don’t wear Stormtrooper armor while you do it, that stuff chafes.