The PlayStation 3 Is The Best Console Ever

Let’s face it. You know Sony kicks ass. You totally had a wet dream back in the 1990s when you saw the PlayStation and when PS2 fever hit, you bum-rushed Target hoping to get one. So why so much hatred for the PS3? Because you’ve been spoiled.

To be quite frank, you need a time out. The previous PlayStation models fit well within your budget and had great launch titles to boot. Now the PS3 comes along and all of a sudden, you realize that you’re going to have to actually put in more than 15 hours a week at Burger King. You shouldn’t have to work more. I mean, the Nintendo Wii costs only $250! Why can’t the PS3 cost $300 with a free sports game?

Because the PS3 isn’t banking on the hopes that you’ll play a game where you drive a damned truck with a TV remote. No, the PS3 has a long future planned out for you. See, the Wii doesn’t output in high-def, it doesn’t come with a Blu-ray player, which alone would run you $500 plus and it doesn’t come with the power the PS3 packs.

When I got a PS3, I realized it didn’t have many good launch titles. In fact, all I wanted was Resistance: Fall of Man and Madden ’07. Now what about the Wii or Xbox 360? The 360 I have no problems with. It’s the perfect console to buy right now and the console that anyone considering a next-gen system should purchase. But the Wii?

Sure, Zelda is great and all, but guess what: I don’t give a hoo-hoo about Link running through a forest for the 10th time trying to find some treasure or rescue Zelda. I’ve been done with that gaming concept since Ocarina of Time, thank you.

I know what you’re thinking right now. “This Nintendo-hating douche obviously hasn’t played the KILLER titles!” What killer titles would you be referring to? Surely you can’t mean the crap-tastic first-person shooters or the mindless games like Wario Ware or Wii Sports. Wii Sports can be fun, but going outside and playing two-hand touch football or boxing your friends after half a bottle of Jack is much more entertaining.

Back to the PlayStation 3, though. Resistance is a clutch game. Not only is the online play free, but for a launch title, it’s damn good. It reminds me of Halo Online set in a WWII era. And get this: the graphics are killer. Bet you had no idea, right? As for Madden, it’s a great game but it’s just Madden, so whatever. It’s good for when you and your buddies get drunk and want to scream at the TV while waiting for the pizza to get delivered.

I’m basically saying the Wii is a piece and you’re just too much of a fanboy to realize it. The PS3 is clearly the winner in the next-gen console war and it’s only a matter of time before all the good titles like Metal Gear Solid 4 and Killzone 2 come out and blow your hands off like a two-dollar M80 firecracker. I’ve got Blu-ray, Wi-Fi, wireless controllers that don’t make me look like I’m going into convulsions when I use them, HD output and a 60GB hard drive to store all my porn on. So go ahead and have fun spending countless hours with Zelda. I’m popping some Prozac, calling off work and spending quality time with some real next-gen games. Happy Friday.