I hope you’re not eating anything because you’re about to see some real Jame Gumb stuff in a second. Vibram, famous makers of Sergey’s crazy monkey shoes (that I actually wear while running, much to my wife’s chagrin), have released two new models, the acceptably styled Trek LS, a lace up trail shoe/sneaker, and the absolutely abhorrent (yet strangely alluring) Bormio boots.

BirthdayShoes has reviews of both the Bormio and the LS but we’ll highlight a few points below.

The LS shoes are more like a sneaker with Vibram soles and toe pockets. They’re actually quite classy if you ignore the monkey-feet aspect and, if you’re man enough to wear them on the street you may actually get compliments as opposed to smacked. They cost $139 and come in brown and black.

And here are the Bormios:

If you’re anything like me, you’re imagining Hobbitses in their holes right now. These are basically boots with toepockets, which makes them pretty much amazing. BirthdayShoes notes:

As Vibram FiveFingers go, the Bormio is surprisingly not as eye-catching as it appears at first blush — this assumes you’re wearing them with jeans or pants. Obviously, the ankle-height design makes them look very unusual when they’re sitting “empty” on the floor (like leathery or frostbitten feet chopped off at the ankles), but as Mrs. BirthdayShoes put it, when they’re on, the Bormios just look like any other pair of Vibrams.

That is, except for one thing, which is that the understated design of the Bormio FiveFingers also makes it harder for folks to discern that you’re wearing shoes. Clearly no one has flat black feet (save Mr. Deeds), but smooth, matte leather looks a little like skin, particularly as with the brown Bormios. You could have feet that were dark brown, and I say that because I had at least one person double-take on my brown crazy horse Bormios thinking I had tanned bare feet. I’m not very tan in case you hadn’t noticed (Desk job FTL!). I had another fellow — a VFF fan at that — remark, “You’ve got lion feet.” I liked that better.

If you’ve been going through life thinking “I’d like lion feet,” you’re clearly in luck here.

These demonic things cost $160 and are available in brown and black. Both are made of kangaroo hide and, personally, I wonder where they’re getting all the kangaroos for these things.

So there you have it: these are the shoes Tim Ferriss, Sergey Brin, and every sycophantic SXSW-bound SEO/Social Media/Google+ Guru will be wearing next season. Geeks, prepare to get your monkey feet chic on.

There’s a new religion brewing in the athletic milieu that requisites fitting foot condoms around the phalanges. You know what I’m talking about: the Five Fingers phenomenon. Not dissimilar to the once popular Crocs, Vibram banks on being different as a means of selling shoes. What’s different about Five Fingers is nothing entirely new, in fact, it dates back to thousands of years ago: perambulating barefoot. While it makes sense to use your natural foot articulation to cushion the blow from today’s hard surfaces, Vibram may have taken it a bit too far with this year’s Five Fingers, with what they are calling “Casual Shoes”.

Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing better than running/weight lifting in Five Fingers, but frankly the style is daft. Tony Post, the company’s CEO says, “Our new casual footwear introductions [offer] dedicated consumers more alternatives for all aspects of their daily lives.” Their customers can now have winter boots, club shoes and tennis shoes. Next year, I hope they don’t come out with the business shoe.

The TrekLS is $140 and is made with kangaroo leather, complete with shoe laces and a loop, swoop and pull. They look really good, right up ’til about the toes.

Next they have the Bormio: an ankle-high, black zip-up boot also made of kangaroo, priced at $160.

Women get their own winter boot (pictured above), or “cold-weather lifestyle boot.” It runs all the way up the calf and has a thicker midsole for cushioning and warmth. Not sure if the 5.5mm midsole detracts from the original minimalistic goals.

Last but not least, there is the $100 Speed model. It looks like a classic running shoe, including colored mesh in white, black or blue.

It’s not like these can’t catch on, we’ve seen worse in the past. It’s just that I think the company has gone beyond their original goal of healthy excercise and into the realm of “let’s make profits.” Hopefully, it doesn’t compromise the original mission. And, it just might if sorority girls begin to trade in their UGGs for these uglies.

Just recently, I decided to hop on the minimal shoe bandwagon and picked up a pair of FiveFingers by Vibram. It’s easy to see why these things are getting popular. Racing to keep up with consumer demands, many running shoe companies have decided to follow with the minimalist shoe design.

With the Minimus, New Balance also joins the bandwagon of barefoot running. The shoes are going to offer a very breathable mesh material on top of a Vibram sole. Vibram, usually a sole maker, has its logo shown quite boldly on the shoe. We’re still not sure if it’s planned competition or some other partnership. And we’re also not sure if the New Balance shoe is going to have five fingers.

The Minimus looks great, and definitely will be worth looking into when the release next March. I’m all for the minimalistic barefoot running idea even after only days with the FiveFingers. Our own waddler-in-chief, John, however, swears by them. Remember, more competition is going to bring down those prices. $80 for a piece of rubber and mesh isn’t exactly bang-for-buck friendly.

If you’re skeptical of the whole thing check out barefootrunner. They have a lot of interesting info about the topic.

Generally, if it’s too good to be true it probably is. VFFs cost about $125 and are worth it if you have issues with your feet, ankles, or knees. These fakes could pull apart or hurt you in ways you don’t want. In short, anyone selling them below $80 is suspect right now.

Here is a list of fake VFF sites. Both the good folks at Birthday Shoes and I agree: Avoid at all costs.

vibramfivesfingers.com (Note the “S”)
vibramofficial.com
vibramfivefingersstore.com
vibram-five-fingers.cc
vibramfootwear.com
topvibram.com
unshoessales.com
tefta.lot.my
dhgate.com
handbagsboots.com
pickmbtshoes.com
fivembt.com
jordans-cheap.com
eurluxury.com
tradevv.com
zhengshi-trading.com
tradetang.com
glauke.com
b2bsharing.com
timberlandshow.com
fbikey.com
martorder.com
sotobuy.com
mbtshoes-store.com

Velcome, darling! Look what we have for you! Sergey Brin wearing VFF KSOs, CrunchGear’s favorite, as Greg calls them, “crazy monkey shoes.” I’m personally a VFF convert and I’m very impressed that Sergey is willing to walk around in these.

For those not in the know, Vibram Five Fingers are ultralight running/sports shoes with separate pockets for each toe. I wear them running and love them – they fixed quite a few of my running issues after a number of years of abuse. They were popularized by Christopher McDougall’s Born to Run but they’ve been around for a few years. They essentially teach your body how to run barefoot again, just as your ancestors once ran freely through the sylvan woodlands of New Jersey, long, long ago.

My review is here.

They definitely make you look like a freak. However, I suspect the sting of scorn and ridicule is dampened a bit by the fact that the man has billions and billions of dollars. In my case, people just laugh at me when I run and I cry. The sweat hides the tears.

Download:

Every once in a while I end up on Dr. Fitness and the Fat Guy in Atlanta. The guys seem to enjoy talking to me for some reason and they’re always nice enough to cut out my interview. You can listen to it above but basically I’m raving about the Vibram 5 Fingers while fire trucks roll by on Union Square.

Here’s my story: I ran a marathon a few years ago. I got plantar fasciitis and couldn’t run after the marathon. I worked through that inflammation but by the time I was ready to run again I had gained thirty pounds. Wham. Shin-splints. So I was a fat former runner with leg problems. The prognosis wasn’t good.

So I tried a few things – the elliptical, weight training, losing some freaking weight – but the thing that saved me were these shoes.

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First, a caveat. I’m not a doctor, I’m an amateur runner and a bad one at that. Before you use these shoes, talk to a doctor. I can attest to what they did for me but I have no idea what they will do for you.

We are born to run. Heck, there’s even a book about it. Our first weapon, before fire and spears, was running. You see, animals like gazelles can run very fast for a short amount of time. They have great sprint speeds but they get tired easily. So we, as a pack predator, would get into formation and literally run animals to death. Then we’d eat them. We are good at running.

But we’re good at running barefoot. We’re not good at running in marshmallow-based shoes with padding, support, and protection. In fact, we get injured because of these shoes. There is some data that shows, in fact, that the more expensive the running shoe the worse it is for your feet and legs. I knew something was wrong when my feet would fall asleep while I was running. Something was up.

I don’t want to get into a religious argument – this is like arguing for veganism or onanism and you eventually fall into the hippie trap of equating something to “freedom” – but it makes sense. I bought the best shoes I could find for the marathon. And the shows – and the marathon – beat me down.

So I tried the Nike Free, a thinner soled shoe with separate compartments on the bottom for increased mobility. This got rid of most of my foot pain but I still had ankle pain. I ran a little in regular shoes and then read Born to Run and decided to go naked.

The thinking is this: we can run without injuries barefoot. It’s our natural mode of transportation and by wearing shoes we are weakening our bodies.

However, running barefoot in Brooklyn is a bad idea. So I ordered the Five Fingers Classic for about $75 – I bought 44 for my size 11.5 foot and they fit very well – and waited. I ran. My knees were screaming. My ankles hurt. Then, a few minutes later, all the pain was gone. I was running normally and, thanks to the light weight and comfort I could run longer than I ever could. I could run without stopping, which was a big change for me. I could run for quite a while. The only limitations were the blisters I got during the first few runs. Even those went away.

So I’m a Five Fingers convert. The shoes give your ankles a workout rather than a coddling. I felt my ankles get stronger and my feet get more resilient. I felt some of the pounds drop. I felt good.

They say we need lots of arch support but for most of our biological history we didn’t even know what an arch was let alone how to support it. While these shoes look ridiculous I’m happy to report that they work and they’re now my go-to running shoes.

Bottom Line

I’d be interested in hearing about your experiences with shoes and these shoes in particular. They make you look like an absolute doofus but they’re also absolutely great.