Say goodbye to a good night’s sleep and say hello to night terrors because we have some very special things to share with you today in our ongoing feature, Today In Dystopian War Robots That Will Harvest Us For Our Organs. This week we have Elmo, a vacuum, and a twerking automaton that will soon replace Miley Cyrus.
First we present Elmo and Teddy Ruxpin doing what they do best – haunting our dreams. Built by James Cochrane from broken toys, hard drives, and Casio keyboards (all powered by a some PIC16F84A micro controllers), this robotic band is so proficient that one day they could replace all the member’s of Green Day. Teddy sings backup to Macklemore’s Thrift Shop while the Tomy Omnibot keeps the beat. Although today these robots may be rapping about “popping tags” and “wearing your grandma’s clothes,” I assure you that one day they’ll be literally “popping kids” and “wearing your grandma’s skin.”
Next up we have Fonzie, the Twerking, 3D-printed robot. Apparently originally built for fighting competitions, Fonzie has been reprogrammed to dance to LMFAO, which is horror enough. Fonzie is nearly entirely 3D-printed and he will be the basis for future research into humanoid robots with usable hands, eyes, and powerful motion control. Soon, perhaps, Fonzie will take you as a human concubine!
Finally, there’s some kind of new Roomba-like vacuum floor washer, called the Moneual Rydis that costs $400 and creates “random patterns” on your floor, allowing you to fall and die. The Rydis will then drink your cold, congealing blood. Available soon at Best Buy!