Clue, Or, The Story Of How We Got Pregnant And Broke Up In The Same Day

It had been more than a year since John and Asia began trying to get pregnant. The failure of one, or both, of them to produce an heir to the Biggsian throne had created a palpable distance between them.

John shaved his beard in the his and hers bathroom, while Asia powdered her face for yet another day of childless grocery shopping and laundry.

“What’s for dinner?” he asked, without looking at her.

“Meatloaf,” she said coolly, picking up her phone and flipping through her notifications center. A hint of hope crossed her face before she added, “I’m ovulating tonight.”

“These ovulation sticks are costing us a fortune, and for what?” he said, growing exasperated. “Nothing ever happens!”

“No, honey, look!” she said, holding out her phone. “I got a new app called Clue that helps me track my cycle. It tells me when I’ll have my next period, when I’m going through PMS, and shows me the fertility window each month! See! Today is a fertile day!”

Asia smiled to herself, looking lovingly down at the app as if it was her baby, newborn and luminous.

“Let me see that,” said John, taking the phone from her and flipping through the app. “Wow, this is pretty cool. You can mark down your mood each day, your sex drive, and note if there are any strange discharges going on down there.”

John amused himself, poking around the app for a while, as Asia finished her makeup and began putting on that day’s outfit. As she slipped on an A-line floral print skirt, John let out a gasp.

“You marked today as having a very strong sex drive,” he mused from the bathroom, just loud enough for her to hear.

“Yes?” she said playfully, pulling a red blouse down from the closet.

“Well, um, so do I,” he responded, walking over to her and snatching the blouse from her hand. John kissed Asia passionately for the first time in a long time, finally realizing that his wife still wanted him. They fell into bed together, as he mumbled that he only had fifteen minutes before he would be late for work.

Passion ensued.

As they picked up their clothing, strewn across the room, and began dressing once again, John picked up Asia’s phone and opened up the Clue app.

“I’ll mark that we had unprotected sex today,” he said, grinning in a way that showed just how pleased he was with himself. Until suddenly, a look of horror overwhelmed his expression. “Why does it say you had protected sex on July 23? I was in Scranton for a site visit that night…”

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